I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
