did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
