I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
