I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The air was thick with penises
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
