I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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