your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
