I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
