Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
