I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am one with the molecules
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
