Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
