some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
