You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
