The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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