Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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