So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
