It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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