the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
