Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize