I can tuck mytits in my pants
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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