Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
