what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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