somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Found your dick twin last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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