what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
