There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i think i just lost a toe
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
