A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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