I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize