You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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