did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
