i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
