I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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