I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
