I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
