Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
