She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
