I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
