I'm going to jail i love you
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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