My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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