I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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