Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize