i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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