You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I didn't notice because vodka
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
