It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
