oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
