he wants to bone in the snuggie
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
