paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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