I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
