If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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