ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
