He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
