And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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