I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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