This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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