So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize