hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
