The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
