and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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