Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
