And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
