The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
