Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
