we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
soo... how was my night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
