Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
