where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
