The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
