And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
