New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
