so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
