Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
