So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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