Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
