Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
