All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
