we made out on top of his cat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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