Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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