that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
