She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
