I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
