Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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