im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
