so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
