I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
