I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
