I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize