I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
