A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I want is dick and wine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
