She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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