so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
