I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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