i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
