i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
