I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
