high people should be assigned attendants
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
