1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
