I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
