put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
