Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
