last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
