John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
