id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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