i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
