yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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