it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You are the jesus of drinking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
