Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
