why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry my hands just texted you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
