Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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