i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
