Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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