I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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