I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
