sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
