he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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